Out of Print

Out of Print

Ryan West

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The final score was embarrassing enough.

Printer: 1

Ryan: 0

The play-by-play is even more humiliating.

Some days you’re the printer, some days you’re the printed

One of my taskings in my first week at Red Eye was to update and print DVD labels for a project that was ready to be sent to a client. And of course, one of the experienced people here at Red Eye showed me how to use the printer, and of course it works flawlessly for their demonstration, because printers.

 

At this juncture, I felt confident in myself. After all, it’s just a simple print. What could go wrong?

 

I load the DVD in the tray.

 

I hit print.

 

Nothing.

 

The printer maintains its insolent silence.

 

I sigh, defeated. Such is life as a lowly intern; the office appliances feel the need to assert their dominance over me.

 

Resigned to my fate, I press the button again.

 

The printer grumbles, green and red lights flash angrily, like a traffic signal with commitment issues.

 

With my mind I think, “DO NOT SASS ME, ROBOT INK SPEWER”

 

With my voice I say, “Hey, I think the printer isn’t working” because nobody will believe me if I tell them about the impending robot uprising.

 

As an experienced coworker comes to help, casting me and my uselessness aside with ruthless efficiency, I observe her dismantle the printer and determine that not only is it a temperamental piece of technology, but it is also out of black ink. But lo, what timing! The wells of ink grow dry as the new intern seeks to print for the first time; as if to illustrate and exacerbate my incompetence and unfamiliarity with the working world.

 

The office printer will not let me forget my place here.

 

There is no beating the office printer.

 

There is no beating the robot uprising.